The Reality of the Process
The process of dating—particularly within the yeshiva community—is often more complex and challenging than it appears. It can be emotionally draining and discouraging, with years passing in the hope that the next person will finally be “the one.” Chazal teach that a man alone is incomplete and a woman alone is incomplete; only when united do they achieve true wholeness (Malbim, Bereishis 2:24).
The Pursuit of the “10”
It is natural that young men and women approach shidduchim seeking the “perfect match”—a 10. However, this mindset may need reconsideration. How many remain single—not because they never met a “10,” but because they met multiple “7s” and kept searching for something more perfect? These individuals may not have been flawless—but they may have been people with whom a meaningful, stable, and fulfilling Torah home could have been built.
What Creates a Great Marriage
Chazal teaches that when a husband and wife are worthy, the Shechinah rests between them (Sotah 17). When a couple invests effort, grows together, and builds with commitment, the greatness of their marriage is not something they find—it is something they create.
A simple mashal illustrates this point: A person searches endlessly for the “perfect home,” rejecting one for being too small and another for needing work. Years pass, and he remains without a home. Meanwhile, others buy imperfect homes and, through effort and care, turn them into something warm and beautiful. Marriage is no different.
The Deeper Truth
Over time, a deeper truth emerges: no marriage begins as a perfect 10. Every marriage requires work, growth, and ongoing effort. Successful couples understand this—they don’t begin with perfection; they build it.
The Simple Truth Behind Shidduchim
Don’t waste your life chasing an elusive 10—recognize a solid 7, and have the wisdom, patience, and commitment to build it into a 10.
May Hashem grant all older singles clarity and siyata d’Shmaya to find their shidduchim soon and build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael
May singles aim not just to find their ‘10,’ but to build it.”
A yid trying to make a difference.
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