CYRIACUS IZUEKWE
In Lagos, Nigeria’s commercial nerve centre, the dating scene is changing in ways many elders find troubling. In beer parlours in Surulere, offices in Ikeja, and lounges in Lekki, one quiet confession keeps coming up among some young men: they prefer relationships with married women over single ladies.
It is a topic many will not discuss openly, but in private conversations, they give reasons ranging from economic pressure to fear of commitment. P.M. EXPRESS spoke with young men, counsellors, clerics and married residents across Lagos to understand why this controversial trend persists.
*No Marriage Pressure*
The most repeated reason is freedom from marriage demands.
Tunde Bakare, 29, a graphic designer in Ikeja, puts it bluntly. According to him, dating a single lady in her late twenties often comes with constant questions about wedding plans.
He said a married woman does not ask for introduction or bride price because she already has a home. For young men who say they are not ready to settle down, this feels less stressful.
Relationship counsellor Mrs. Funke Adeyemi, based in Surulere, says this reflects avoidance of responsibility. She notes that some men want companionship without accountability, and a married woman offers that illusion.
*Financial Benefit*
Lagos is expensive. Rent, transport and feeding gulp incomes daily. Some young men admit they are drawn to married women who support them financially.
Emeka Obi, 26, a ride-hailing driver in Lekki, claimed a 38-year-old trader once paid his house rent and gave him weekly fuel money. He said dating a young single girl would have cost him more in outings, gifts and lifestyle demands.
Sociologist Dr. Ibrahim Musa warns that such benefit is short-lived. He says dependency on a married woman weakens a young man’s drive to build his own future.
*Maturity And Understanding*
Another reason is emotional maturity. Several respondents described married women as calmer, more caring and better at communication.
Segun Alabi, 31, a banker on Victoria Island, said married women know how to manage a man and keep matters private, unlike some younger ladies who bring every dispute to social media.
Mrs. Adeyemi agrees that maturity is attractive but insists it should be sought in a lawful relationship, not in another person’s marriage.
*Fear Of Heartbreak*
Past disappointments also play a role. Kelvin Eze, 28, a phone technician in Oshodi, said after a three-year relationship ended when his girlfriend left him, he vowed not to invest deeply again.
He explained that with a married woman, expectations are clear from the start. There is no pretence of a future together, so he feels protected from another heartbreak.
*Thrill Of Secrecy*
For a few, it is the excitement of hidden romance. Secret calls, coded messages and discreet meetings give an adrenaline rush.
Pastor David Okonkwo of Egbeda disagrees strongly. He warns that secret affairs have led to violence, blackmail and even death in Lagos. What thrills today, he says, can destroy tomorrow.
*Dangers Involved*
Despite the excuses, the risks are severe.
Mrs. Chiamaka Nwosu, a trader in Oshodi, cautions young men to think of the husband’s reaction. She asks what happens if one is caught in the act.
Lagos-based lawyer Barrister Chinedu Umeh notes that adultery can be used as grounds in divorce cases and can trigger criminal complaints involving assault, threat to life or property damage.
Medical experts also warn of sexually transmitted infections where secret multiple partnerships are involved.
*Advice To Youths*
Counsellors urge young men to reconsider. Mrs. Adeyemi asks a simple question: would you be happy if another man does this to your future wife.
Dr. Musa calls on parents, religious leaders and mentors to teach values of patience, hard work and respect for marriage.
While economic hardship and moral shifts fuel the trend, most Lagosians interviewed agree that the temporary comfort of dating a married woman is not worth the danger to life, reputation and future family.
The debate will continue, but the warning remains clear: respect other people’s homes.
*Caption:* File photo of youths hanging out in Lagos. Some young men say they prefer married women because of less pressure and financial support, while experts warn of serious consequences. Photo used for illustration.
